How to Help a Child with Social Anxiety at School
byKaren Muston
8 min to read
As an adult, you may have had this common dream—arriving at work in your pajamas or or not being prepared for big presentation at work.
Those types of dreams usually occur as a reaction to stressful or anxious situations, but the feelings of embarrassment experienced in the dream seem very real. Those who experience social anxiety experience a similar fear daily while interacting with their peers. Social anxiety is an intense fear of being negatively judged, rejected, or embarrassed by others in social situations. Symptoms can range from blushing and rapid heart rate to nausea, sleep disturbance, and avoidance of social situations.
Social anxiety can be a scary experience for children learning how to navigate the world. As a concerned parent, you might be at a loss for how to help a child with social anxiety at school, but once you have a better understanding of where this anxiety comes from, you stand a better chance of knowing how to make your child feel more at ease.
What Is Social Anxiety in Children?
Social anxiety in kids can occur due to social factors or other uncertainties about their future.
Kids and teens with social anxiety may have these changes in behavior:
Skipping social events: They might resist going to birthday parties, participating in sports, or attending other social gatherings that they used to.
Avoiding the spotlight: They actively avoid trying out for a team, speaking up in class, or participating in situations where they would be the focus of attention.
Social dependence: Younger kids might cling to, hover around, or hide behind their parents in public.
Emotional reactions: Outbursts, tantrums, or even periods of aggression can be a sign that kids are feeling overwhelmed in a social situation.
Reduced social skills: They might struggle with eye contact or feel too afraid or unwilling to take part in a conversation.
It’s important for parents to recognize these signs and take steps to help their child feel supported and understood when they’re exploring how to help a child with social anxiety.
Be sure to get help by speaking with their medical provider or their school counselor if you think your child has social anxiety. Left untreated, social anxiety can lead to depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and trouble in careers and relationships that can linger well into adulthood.
Social Anxiety vs. Shyness: Understanding the Difference
There is a difference between kids who are shy and those who have social anxiety disorder. It’s normal to be nervous about meeting new people, giving a speech in class, or interacting with a group of strangers, but when there is a fear so intense that it keeps kids from functioning or performing these tasks, that’s a strong sign of a kid with social anxiety.
Here’s how to spot the difference:
Signs Your Child May Have Social Anxiety
How does social anxiety affect students? The truth is it can show up differently depending on how old your child is and where they are in their development.
6-12 years old
Kids at this age are learning social rules and are just starting to form their self-esteem, so physical and behavioral signals will be more common. These can include:
- Refusing to go to school
- Frequent “stomachaches”
- Clinginess
- Trembling
- Sweating
- Talking softly
- Avoiding eye contact with parents, teachers, or other adults
Frequent bathroom breaks in social settings
Crying or outbursts when asked to speak in public
Withdrawing from group play
13-18 years old
Social identity and acceptance is central at this age; social anxiety may appear more internalized but can still impact behavior:
- Intense self-consciousness
- Avoiding social situations
- Not participating in class
- Perfectionism
- Negative self-talk
- Isolation
- Heart racing
- Nausea
- Sweating before big events
- Drop in academic performance
How Social Anxiety Affects School Performance
Social anxiety in school doesn’t just shape how kids and teens interact with their peers—it can also influence how they learn and perform academically.
Students who struggle with social anxiety may avoid raising their hand in class, not participate fully in group projects, or choose not to volunteer for presentations, even if they know the material well. Not participating in these ways can impact how they develop key skills like collaboration and teamwork, or how they absorb the information, which can impact their grades in the long term.
How Online Learning Can Support Students with Social Anxiety
When considered thoughtfully, online schooling can be incredibly beneficial for managing social anxiety in school, while having gentle social experiences to help kids feel more at ease.
In-Person Pressure Is Reduced
Students who attend virtual school tend to feel more in control of their social interactions, which can help symptoms of social anxiety. For instance, at Connections Academy®-supported schools, students can socialize within the virtual classroom through online classroom discussions and LiveLesson® sessions, which can remove the focus on physical appearance, acceptance, or face-to-face interaction with peers that can impact social anxiety.
Faculty can Provide a Safe Environment
School staff can support students who are experiencing social anxiety by being sensitive to their needs. Establishing clear rules against bullying, harassment, and discrimination makes students feel safe. Assigning groups or pairs instead of allowing students to choose partners for themselves ensures that nobody feels excluded. Teachers can also reward participation and encourage students who are reluctant to participate without shaming them when they choose not to participate. Teachers can also highlight a student’s strengths when providing feedback, which may bolster their self-confidence and help them feel supported in class.
Exposure to Social Stressors can Be Gradual
In-person socialization can happen in small doses rather than having to fight through an entire school day around a lot of people. They can also choose to socialize at in-person events such as field trips, sports, and school programs, rather than be forced into anxiety-inducing situations, which can be a fantastic way to practice social skills in shorter, time-limited scenarios.
Flexible Participation Options
Teachers can allow students with social anxiety to respond to questions via chat boxes or on discussion boards instead of speaking up in class. Writing their thoughts instead of speaking them aloud, gives anxious students time to think about and review their responses before sending it out for others to see. It also lets them see that they do have things to contribute and their responses can be well-received and engaged with. Off-camera participation might be another way to ease anxiety while still paying attention or allowing students to pre-record a presentation instead of doing it live until they feel comfortable doing so.
Strategies to Help Your Child at Home
Here are some ways you can make an impact if you’re wondering how to help a child with social anxiety:
Teach your child relaxation techniques: Deep breathing, guided imagery, or progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce stress, improve mood, and increase our sense of emotional well-being.
Practice cognitive reframing: Identifying a negative thought or negative self-talk and challenging it helps stop spiraling right in its tracks. Help your child think of the thought from a different angle: what is the thought trying to tell them? What can they replace it with that addresses their fear but puts them in an empowered frame of mind?
Teach them how to identify their triggers: Helping them notice what brings on feelings of stress can help them get ahead of those feelings before they start. You might also help them build a set of internal tools they can draw from when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
Help them practice their social skills: For older children this may feel a bit too silly, but younger kids might benefit from acting out pretend scenarios where they can work on friendship skills such as starting conversations, standing up for themselves, being a good listener, and asking questions.
Talk about social media: Carefully curated feeds can give a false impression of other people’s lives. Talk with your teen about how social media can present an unbalanced view of someone’s life, which can help with the anxiety that comes from comparing themselves to other people or feeling like they have to have a polished online persona. Connect them with someone who can help: Sometimes helping your child means recognizing when you reach the limit of how much support you’re able to provide and connecting your child with a professional. Parents can advocate for their kids by connecting them to support resources like therapists, school counselors, or teachers.
Guidance and Care Are Always Within Reach
Connections Academy offers online licensed school counselors for every student. Reach out to your school counselor or consult with a local mental health expert if your child shows signs of social anxiety.
Ready to Learn More
About Connections Academy?
Explore the benefits of attending Connections Academy, a tuition-free, accredited online public school that’s passionate about helping your child thrive.
