How to Teach Teens to be More Responsible
byElizabeth Preston
8 min to read
Taking responsibility for oneself and one’s actions is a critical skill for teenagers to learn. So, how can parents teach their teenagers responsibility so that their children are better equipped to handle the “real world?”
This guide explains why learning responsibility is necessary for teenagers, how to teach responsibility to a teenager, and some tangible ways teenagers can practice handling responsibility.
What is Responsibility?
Responsibility means taking accountability for one’s actions, words, and obligations. It is a vital skill that teenagers must learn in order to become happy, successful, and independent adults. Without learning how to take responsibility, teenagers may be ill-equipped to handle many of the duties that come with being an adult.
How to Teach Teens to be More Responsible
One way to teach responsibility is to talk with your teenager and help them to understand why they need to be responsible and what being responsible looks like. Therefore, conversations about responsibility may include the following:
The importance of being responsible.
Being responsible shows that a person is capable and trustworthy. It demonstrates that a person’s actions match their words and that they will keep their promises. In this way, being responsible translates to having and building character.
Owning up to mistakes.
Taking responsibility for one’s actions is particularly important if that person has made a mistake. It’s also one of the most difficult times to take responsibility. It is challenging for a person to not blame anyone or anything else for mess ups and instead own up to their role in the mistake. But not making excuses for a mistake is key to taking responsibility and accountability.
Taking responsibility also demonstrates self-awareness and allows the person to learn from their mistakes so that they can avoid them or easily fix them in the future. Also, in the long term, people are often more willing to work with someone and show leniency when they make mistakes if that person continually demonstrates accountability and does not blame others.
Become more independent.
Teenagers naturally want increased independence, because they are learning how to make their own decisions, what their identities are apart from their families, and how to make their own way in the world. Taking on more responsibility is a perfect opportunity for a teenager to show their maturity and demonstrate that they are ready and able to take on more independence.
Develop a habit of consistency.
It is not enough for teens to be responsible once or twice while working toward a certain behavior or task. Instead, they should display consistency, by being continually and regularly responsible in their actions. Consistency is what demonstrates that a teen has an internal drive to take responsibility and be a reliable individual.
How to Teach Responsibility to a Teenager
After talking about what responsibility is and its importance, parents can give teens opportunities to practice handling responsibility. Here are a few options:
Being on Time
Being on time for commitments is a great responsibility for teens, because it gives them control over that aspect of their lives (thereby giving them some independence), and it trains them to be responsible for arrivals—including arranging transportation and packing up their necessary belongings.
Learning Coaches may help their teens set necessary alarms as reminders of when to get ready to leave the house and when to leave the house. Learning Coaches may also discuss timing with their teens, how to get to the required location, and help them find transportation and an efficient route to the location.
Making Breakfast, Lunch, and Snacks
This is an excellent responsibility for teens, because there are built-in consequences (being hungry, for example) for failing to be responsible.
Learning Coaches may aid their teens by discussing what elements go into creating a balanced and satisfying breakfast, lunch, and snack and making sure that their teens have access to these foods.
Meeting School Deadlines
Deadlines are inherent in college and careers, so it is vital that teens learn how to motivate themselves and keep themselves responsible for meeting their academic deadlines. Online school can be ripe with possibilities for teenagers to take on more academic responsibilities and for them to become independent learners.
Learning Coaches may support their teens by discussing with them what projects and deadlines they have coming up, by having a calendar with the deadlines on it, and by providing occasional reminders about deadlines to encourage teens to be aware of their academic responsibilities.
Having Chores
Teens typically don’t enjoy doing chores, but chores are necessary because they are training opportunities for real-life responsibilities. Cooking, cleaning, laundry—these are all tasks that teenagerswill have to do if they leave home to go to college and when they permanently move out of their parents’ home.
Parents can help their teens by being specific about what chores need to be completed, discussing how the chores relate to “real life,” providing instructions and guidance for new chores, and being reasonable on the workload. Consider your teen’s schedule and abilities when assigning tasks. Also, be specific so that your teenager knows what you expect of them. For example, “make sure the bathroom is clean” is somewhat abstract, but listing what you mean by “clean”—such as cleaning the counters, the toilet, the bathtub, and restocking the cupboard—helps to make the task specific, clear, and doable.
Learning Coaches may also model the behaviors that they want to see in their teens regarding chores.
Taking a Part-time Job
A part-time job provides responsibility for teens because they are responsible for being at the job on time, completing tasks, and showing others respect. Also, a part-time job enables teens to experience tangible rewards and consequences for being responsible or failing to be responsible. Further, a part-time job gives parents an opportunity to discuss financial literacy and financial responsibility with their teens.
Learning Coaches can support their teens by helping them to find a job that connects with their interests or career.
How Parents Can Help
In addition to giving their teens opportunities to practice handling responsibility, parents can do the following to teach and encourage responsibility for teens:
Have consequences.
Teens need to understand that responsibility is largely about choices. If you choose to be responsible, then you can be rewarded (such as earning more independence). But, if you choose not to be responsible, then you must face some sort of consequence for your voluntary actions. Consequences may not be pleasant, but they are necessary for teens to learn the importance of choices and, ultimately, the importance of taking responsibility.
Talk with your teen about the consequences of failing to be responsible. You can use the formula of, “If you do not do X, then Y will happen.”
Also, allow consequences to happen in school if your teen’s actions warrant those consequences. For example, if your teen chooses not to turn in an assignment on time and the teacher’s consequence as laid out in their syllabus is that the assignment is a “zero,” then do not write a note asking on their behalf for the teacher to make an exception. By allowing that consequence to happen, your teenager will learn that their actions and choices matter.
If they ignore their responsibilities, talk about it.
If a teen fails to demonstrate responsibility with a task, a parent should talk to the teen about why they failed and how their choices can affect, or have affected, others. Once the teen understands what happened and the impact of their choices, then they are more likely to avoid repeating that same mistake in the future. This self-reflection is an exercise in self-awareness and analysis that enables teens to apply the lessons that they learn now to their lives in the future.
These conversations can also help parents to decide if their teens need additional support. For instance, a teen may fail to submit their schoolwork on time because they are feeling overwhelmed, being bullied, or having mental health struggles. This is when parents need to step in and give their teens the tools and support they need to succeed.
Give positive reinforcement for a job well done.
Sometimes, pointing out what a teen does well can be just as effective as telling them what they need to improve upon. This also includes praising them for taking ownership of, and trying to correct, their mistakes. By telling your teen what they are doing well, you communicate to them what behaviors they should continue.
Giving positive reinforcement will also make the experience of taking on responsibility more pleasant for your teen, and it will increase the odds of your teen trying their best to maintain their responsibilities and even take on more responsibility.
Teaching teens how to be responsible is no easy task, but clear communication and specific expectations can help parents teach teens how to be responsible and learn vital life skills. As teens demonstrate consistency in meeting their responsibilities, parents can give their teens more trust and independence. It can be difficult, but teaching responsibility for teens is a way to help them achieve their potential as students and as human beings.
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