Supporting Your Student When They Need to Repeat a Year

September 5, 2023 byConnections Academy

3 min to read

A young male teenager talking with his parent about his academic progress at Connections Academy.

As a parent and a Learning Coach, you might find yourself in the position of having to help your student navigate the tumultuous journey of getting held back a year at school.

You’re not alone, and neither you nor your child have done anything wrong.

Why Students are Held Back a Grade in School

Also known as “grade retention” most experts can agree on two reasons to hold a child back in school:

Developmental immaturity (physical and/or emotional)
Prolonged absence due to serious illness or trauma

Research has added some nuance to the question: “Should I hold my child back a grade?”

A study conducted by the Harvard Graduate School of Education, found that test-based retention of third grade students in Florida caused them to experience short-term gains in math and reading achievement and made them better prepared for high school.

Findings like these, coupled with the measurable rise in the number of K-12 students repeating a grade in the years immediately following the COVID-19 pandemic (according to an Associated Press analysis of state-provided data), are causing some experts who previously doubted the benefits of holding students back to rethink their stance.

Emotionally Supporting a Student who Needs to Repeat a Year

The most important thing to keep in mind if your student has been held back is that grade retention is neither all good nor all bad.

From an academic standpoint, make sure they are getting the learning support they need to have a successful experience when they return to school.

Emotionally supporting a child who is getting held back can be challenging because they may experience some combination of the following:

Feelings of anger, sadness, and frustration
Lack of motivation to make an effort in school
Sense of worthlessness
Resentment toward school/teachers/parents

Especially during the weeks before your student repeats a year, communicating in a calm, thoughtful manner can reduce the stigma and give their confidence a much-needed lift.

Listen to them.

Hold space for your child’s emotions as they react to the news of being held back a grade. Even if you think you know how they will feel, it’s important to let them process it in their own way. Make sure you listen to how your child is feeling and resist the urge to jump in and “make everything better.” It’s not easy to see your child in distress, but by letting them feel their emotions and not trying to force them to feel a particular way, you will be helping them develop their emotional intelligence and hone their communication skills, especially if your child is highly sensitive.

Believe in them.

Remind your child that you believe they are capable and you still have high hopes for their future, regardless of what happened in the past. Yes, you’ve no doubt said this many times before, but it’s especially important to affirm it during this time of difficulty.

Be positive for them.

Your student is likely to view being held back as a purely negative event, so it’s essential for you to focus on the positives and emphasize the benefits they will experience. Talking with them about why productive struggle is important can help reframe the situation in a more positive manner.

Be patient for them.

As they process the news of their grade retention, they may make comments suggesting a negative self-worth. Keep telling them they are not these things—even if they say they don’t believe you or you think they’re not listening. Whether they acknowledge it in the moment or not, your words can have a big impact.

By keeping these four core principles in mind, you can empower your child to persevere through the difficulties of being held back, and in the process, you will help them cultivate a sense of self-efficacy and confidence that should stick with them for life.

Want to discover more strategies for guiding your child through the ups and downs of K-12 learning? Check out these tips for how to manage stress in school at every grade level.