What is Bullying and How Can You Help Prevent it?

Original article was published September 2023 and has been updated October 2024.

Students need to feel physically and emotionally safe in order to effectively focus on higher-level tasks like learning and creativity. When bullying creates an environment of fear and emotional distress for students, it can hinder their ability to focus, process information, and retain knowledge.

Unfortunately, according to national studies, 19% of students report being bullied at school. Over 50 percent of children also report having experienced cyberbullying at some point in their lives. This means that a percentage of students are engaging in bullying-type behavior, have been bullied, or have witnessed bullying happening to their peers.

To help reduce incidents of bullying and the impact on students, it’s critical for students, their Learning Coaches, and caregivers to have a complete understanding of the issue. By exploring factors like why people bully, the different types of bullying, and how to handle bullying you can help your student be better prepared to address it in a more constructive, positive way at school, online, or anywhere they may encounter it.

What is a Bully?

First, the language we use around bullying matters. “Bullying is a behavior, not an identity” says Pacer’s National Bullying Prevention Center. Labeling someone as a bully can oversimplify the issue and be counterproductive as it implies a fixed behavior and expectation that the child will always behave a certain way. By focusing on the behavior instead, we can help create space for the aggressor to address the reasons for their aggressive behavior and, hopefully, learn how to navigate social interactions in a more prosocial way.

What Is Bullying?

The Center of Disease Control defines bullying as “any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths, who are not siblings or current dating partners, that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated.”

Kids who bully use power in the form of physical strength, embarrassing information, or social status to control or harm others. This power can be real or presumed, but it leaves the victim feeling powerless or unable to defend themselves.

Why do People Bully?

It hurts to be on the receiving end of bullying, there’s no doubt about that. Bullying often includes calling out something different about the target—their hair, race, clothes, interests, facial features. But the scientifically proven fact is, the reasons why people bully never truly involve the target’s unique characteristics. Peeking behind the curtain of bullying behavior can help the child experiencing it understand it’s not a reflection of their worth. In fact, it likely has nothing to do with them at all.

Instead, most frequently, “those who bully others are looking to gain a feeling of power, purpose and control.” The reasons why people bully others remain as complex as the behavior itself. However, here we’ll discuss three of the most common roots of bullying according to experts:

Hurt people hurt people

When emotional pain is left to fester inside of a child, it can lead to low self-esteem that manifests later as misguided attempts to regain some type of control or express unmet emotional needs. Left unaddressed, bullying can launch “a cycle of recurring behavior that echoes down through the years,” says BetterHelp.

Status

Sometimes people resort to bullying as a way to fit in, gain popularity, elevate their own social standing, or get attention from classmates. They may also bully as an attempt to control another child’s behavior.

Lack of Social Awareness

A person's brain doesn't finish maturing until 23-25 years of age, on average. Young people who bully may not have reached emotional maturity and may not have learned to control their emotions or handle social situations in appropriate ways yet.They may also have mental health challenges. “Many children who act as bullies have long histories of disruptive behavior, experts say, which can be rooted in difficulties at home or mental health challenges such as ADHD,” says Yale’s Child Study Center’s team of investigators.

What are the Types of Bullying?

These days, bullying comes in many forms. Here are the most common:

Physical Bullying

Physical bullying involves using one’s body or an object to threaten or physically harm another person or their property.

Verbal Bullying

Verbal bullying involves habitually using cruel, insulting, or threatening language to intentionally hurt another child’s feelings.

Cyberbullying

The potential for anonymity and the speed at which information can travel online makes cyberbullying especially insidious.

The Pew Research Center defines cyberbullying as interchangeable with online harassment and includes behaviors expressed on the internet, through social media, or via cellphone such as:

Offensive name-calling
Spreading of false rumors about a person
Physical threats
Constantly asking someone where they are, what they’re doing, or who they’re with
Sharing explicit images of someone without their consent
Sending explicit images of themselves or anyone else that the receiver didn’t ask for

How to Prevent Bullying

Bullying is a complex issue, and as Denis Sukhodolsky, PhD, associate professor in the Yale Child Study Center emphasizes, “there is no single or simple solution to bullying.”

However, you can arm your child with knowledge about the issue of bullying, and having this knowledge can help them remember and reclaim their power.

Here are some suggestions:

Teach Your Child About Bullying

Once a child understands what it is, they’ll be “able to identify [bullying] more easily, whether it’s happening to them or someone else,” says UNICEF. But don’t stop at one conversation. “The more you talk to your children about bullying, the more comfortable they will be telling you if they see or experience it.”

Model Kindness

Pay attention to how you treat others and model kindness and respect at every opportunity. Children tend to identify strongly with the adults in their life, so by demonstrating kind acts like inclusivity and standing up for others, they’ll be more inclined to do the same.

“The best way to beat bullying,” says Dr. Sukhodolsky, is “by helping people learn to accommodate one another’s differences. “You can’t replace bullying with isolation… You have to replace it with friendships.”

Set Boundaries with Technology and Join Them Online

Setting boundaries with technology is far easier said than done, as anyone with teenagers can attest.

To the extent possible, by all means, set parental controls, have your student leave devices in a common area at night, know their passwords, and take time to scroll through their phones for any concerning communication. Start doing this on day one of their access online by any device.

Controlling online access becomes more difficult as children grow into their teenage years. Along with setting boundaries and arming them with knowledge about online risks, try staying involved in their lives online. Join them on the platforms they use. Get to know their friends.

How to Handle Bullying

How to handle bullying behavior depends on many factors, including:

The type of bullying
The circumstances, including age of children
How long the bullying has been going on
Your relationship to the child who’s doing the bullying

In every case, a child who’s been bullied should tell a trusted adult, report bullying to teachers, counselors, or caregivers, and ask for an investigation if the situation seems serious, and keep reporting until something is done.

Stay calm and confident

Staying calm and maintaining confidence can help deflate their power. Also, use confident body language, stand tall and act bravely, even if you don't feel it. Make eye contact and use a firm voice and simple responses, like "Stop" or "Leave me alone" in a strong, clear voice.

Practice empathy

Recognizing that kids who bully are usually very insecure or have been traumatized themselves might help your child handle the situation with more clarity and confidence in the moment. This does not excuse the bullying behavior, however.

Avoid Isolation

Bullying frequently happens in isolation, when the target is alone. If bullying becomes a problem, encourage your child to stay in the company of friends or adults. Social support can discourage bullying behavior.

See Something? Say Something

Even if your child is never bullied, they may witness it happening to another child. Depending on the circumstances, if your child feels safe, they may consider intervening by saying, “Stop your bullying.”

If they don’t feel safe speaking up in the moment, they should report the incident to a trusted adult and consider other ways to offer support to the target of the bullying, such as being a friend or including them in their group.

Don't Blame Yourself

As deeply as bullying hurts, it’s never the fault of the child being bullied. Help your child build their self-confidence and self-esteem and you’ll help them be more emotionally resilient should they ever experience bullying.

Anti-Bullying Resources for the Entire Family

Here are some ways everyone in the family can learn more about bullying, work to prevent it, and help children overcome it:

Get Help Now:

Learn how to properly handle bullying, recognize the warning signs, and much more, at StopBullying.gov.
Find activities, crafts, and learning activities to help raise awareness about bullying on the Connections Academy Pinterest board.
Start a conversation with your family about the negative effects that bullying and name-calling can have on others.

And stay involved in your student’s life. It can help them learn how to confidently handle—or even help prevent—bullying situations.