Coping with Setbacks: 9 Reminders to Help Students Stay Positive

March 31, 2023 byEmily Ewen

4 min to read

A teenage students is happily participating in an online class

Sometimes life throws unexpected curveballs and setbacks—from minor obstacles like receiving a low grade on a test or getting in a fight with a close friend, to much more significant ones like serious illness or loss. And these are just a few examples of setbacks in life. These obstacles are difficult for everyone, but they can be especially tough for students who are just learning who they are and how to balance their personal lives with schoolwork.

How to Deal with Setbacks with Positive Reminders

Coming up with the right words to say when your child is upset and lost might stump you. Consider the following positive reminders and advice to offer your students to help them cope when, in their world, everything seems to be going wrong.

1. Find the meaning

It can be hard for kids to understand pain in the moment, just as it is for anyone. But when you take the time to sit down and discuss what’s going on with your child, you can provide some reassurance by explaining that although something is bringing them down now, setbacks often come with a meaningful purpose or a lesson. For example, if your child did poorly on a test or received a bad grade, this may be a subject they need to work harder at or that something in their schedule needs to shift. It’s all about how we learn from setbacks.

2. Remember setbacks are only temporary

If your child is going through a tough time, remind them that it won't last forever. Each day is a chance to start fresh. Making the best of the situation is a much better option than dwelling on it and growing increasingly miserable.

3. It’s okay to take breaks and treat yourself

When your child is dealing with a setback, remind them to take care of themselves. Go outside and get some fresh air. Plan something fun to look forward to. Or simply go get ice cream just because. Help them see that there is more to life than focusing on what’s going wrong, and it’s important to continue to create your own joy.

4. Learn from setbacks

There’s a time and a place for healthy venting and asking, “What can we do to make a change?” but your student worrying and complaining too much about a setback can be a waste of energy and time. Encourage your child to change whatever it is they don’t like by doing something about it instead, if possible. Help them brainstorm possible solutions and put them into action.

5. Encourage gratitude

A little gratitude goes a long way, especially when figuring out how to handle learning setbacks. As a positive reminder for students, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness, according to positive psychology research from Harvard Medical School. Try these “5 Gratitude Activities for Students” to help your child build a sense of gratitude.

6. Remain open to the possibility that something good will come of a setback

Let your student know that these are not mishaps but, rather, opportunities for something even greater. Perhaps your student didn’t make a sports team, didn't get accepted into their first-choice college, or didn't get hired for a dream job. Remind them that rejection can open the path to a different team, school, or job that is just as—if not more--suitable and fulfilling.

7. Tune out negativity

Unfortunately, your child is going to come across negative people throughout their life. When this happens, emphasize the importance of tuning out the negativity and remaining optimistic. Negativity causes unnecessary despair. Encourage them to seek out positive friends and role models.

Positive reminders and thoughts are also beneficial for your health. Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and optimism on health, which include lower levels of distress; greater resistance to illness; better psychological and physical well-being; lower rates of depression; and more—according to the Mayo Clinic.

8. If you can't change it, accept it or let it go.

It's easy to get caught up in things that really can't be controlled. If your child is holding onto unhappy thoughts, suggest accepting it, letting go, relaxing, and letting life happen. Convince your child to take chances and trust their instincts, even if the outcome is unpredictable.

9. Just keep going

Life is going to continue no matter what hardships come along, so why not inspire your student to muster the courage to continue with it? Pose the question, "Wouldn’t life be boring if it was really easy, and you didn’t have to work for anything?" Comfort your child by clarifying that these tribulations often make people better and stronger.